Key Points

• Sexting is the art of messaging spicy, explicit details with a lover in anticipation of having sex.
• Sexting is often accompanied by masturbation or serves as a tease until you reunite.
• Prioritize consent, boundaries, and respect when you sext — all consensual sexting is good sexting!
• Raise the sexual tension by being flirty and driving your partner crazy with explicit details and descriptions.

From consent to visualization techniques, dive into the world of sexting. Connect intimately, build sexual tension, experience pleasure, and master sexting.

Sexting

Your intimate conversations can escalate to a whole new level with proper knowledge of sexting. Sexting is the art of expressing your desires and fantasies through text messages or other digital means. The important thing to remember is to keep it consensual, fun, and respectful, considering your partner’s comfort and interest levels. By learning to master sexting, you can bring a new dimension to your relationship and experience affection and desire from a unique perspective.

Sexting is unique to each relationship, just like sex is. The best way to get good at sexting is to practice. Discover what you like, what your partner likes, and what works for your relationship. Understand the ground rules and expectations here, then spark up a sexy convo with your lover.

Consent and Comfort

While sexting can be thrilling, consent and comfort form the core basis of engaging in it. The key rule here is to not assume the other person is comfortable with explicit content. Always ask for permission and discuss your comfort zones before you start. Open communication ensures an enjoyable experience shared between two consenting adults.

Start slow and work your way up to more explicit messages as your partner reciprocates. Slowly build to an explicit message once it’s clear that the other person is into it. Never send a nude photo without asking first! Not everyone likes receiving an unsolicited pornographic photo.

An easy and effective way to get the ball rolling is the classic “I wish you were here” approach. Say something like:

• “I wish you were lying next to me now.”
• “I’m so horny for you right now.”
• “I’m craving your sexy ass next to me.”
• “I bet you look so delicious right now.”

If your boo responds excitedly or escalates the conversation, you’re in for an amazing sexting experience. If they seem uninterested or don’t feed into it, you can save it for another time or straight out ask them if they want to have some phone sex — not everyone picks up on even obvious hints!

Sexting works best with someone you’ve been intimate with before. If you haven’t had sex with the person, your message is going to come out of left field. Start with something a bit mild, or wait until the connection is established in person.

Start with Consent and Communication

To begin sexting, the first and most crucial step is consent. Without explicit consent from both parties involved, sexting becomes a violation and not a shared experience of intimacy. Always remember that consent is ongoing — a “yes” now doesn’t mean an automatic “yes” in the future. Never push if the consent is not freely given. You value the other person and their comfort should be your priority.

Communication

The essence of sexting lies in open and active communication. Discuss your intentions, wants, and expectations candidly with your partner. Understand their desires, fantasies, and especially their boundaries. This forms the base of your sexting relationship, making it a pleasing, shared experience. Discussing sex is sometimes difficult, but so worth it once you break the ice.

Agree on a framework for what’s acceptable and what’s not in your sexting exchanges. The comfort of both parties is crucial in this setting. Define the boundaries and stay within them unless you both agree to extend them. Remember that comfort levels evolve, so keep checking in with your partner about their comfort levels as you progress.

You can honor non-verbal consent as the conversation flows and progresses. To practice ongoing consent, set firm boundaries first and a subtle indication that someone has gone too far. For example, choose a specific emoji to send when you feel uncomfortable. If you want to slow down without stopping the sexting, follow this emoji with a sexy message to steer the conversation elsewhere.

Build Anticipation With Flirty Messages

The magic of sexting thrives on the anticipation your flirtatious messages create. Before you delve into the explicit, start by flirting. Compliment them, tease them, pique their curiosity. Use double entendres and be imaginative. Make them feel desired and stir the mood for the sexting adventure!

Drop carefully crafted, provocative hints that will make your partner’s imagination run wild. Build tension, and increase anticipation. A well-placed suggestive comment or question can set the stage for more explicit content to follow. Keep them on their toes, wanting more without giving away all the details at once.

Use some of these ideas to spark a sexy conversation:

• Tell them about the new panties you got, or how nice your ass looks in your new leggings.
• Tell them that you had a dream about them last night and that you really enjoyed it.
• Ask them if they’ve ever tried something specific in bed, such as a position or toy. Then proceed to tell them how you want to do it with them.

When in doubt, compliment your boo. Tell them how much you enjoyed seeing them last weekend, how much they’ve been on your mind, or how sexy you think they are.

Setting the Mood

Sexting is not just about the sexual, but also about the fun and playfulness. Bring an edge to your texts by injecting wit and humor. Turn the heat up, but also make them smile. This delicate interplay of humor and arousal makes sexting a fascinating, immersive experience.

Use emojis to add playfulness and show emotions through your messages.

Paint a Picture

Your words are your ultimate tool in sexting. They can create a world, paint a picture, and ignite imaginations. Be descriptive and explicit in your messages to tell them how wet you are or the way you’re imagining their tongue on you now. Tell them what you’re doing to yourself with your hand or toy while thinking about them. Are you rock hard or dripping wet? Tell your lover.

If explicitly dirty details aren’t your cup of tea, keep it mild but suggestive. Create scenarios, describe feelings, and use metaphors and similes. This allows for a more engaging, sensual, and fiery exchange.

While you paint an erotic picture with your words, also emphasize the emotions. Show how you feel, not just what you want. Emotions can make your sexts more personal and relatable, taking it a notch higher. Show excitement, desire, and anticipation using power-packed, emotive words.

The key to successful sexting is in the details. It’s important to focus not just on descriptions, but on sensations — the feel, the sound, the smell. Create a vivid, engaging sensory experience. Your partner should be able to feel the words, not just read them.

Explore Fantasies

Sexting is your playground to explore and introduce fantasies. Experiment with role-plays and scenarios that excite you or you think will excite your boo. Add elements of surprise in your sexts to encourage creativity and keep the excitement going.

Tell them about something you want to try when you see each other or something you wish they were doing with you right now. Describe a role-playing scenario you want or mention the way they rub your clit just right. Keeping it personal and tailored to your dynamic will turn you both on!

According to human sexuality doctor and sex podcast host Dr. Emily Morse, “Warm things up by describing a fantasy that involves…them. Something like, ‘I can’t stop thinking about putting my hand up your shirt, and feeling you get hard.’ Or, ‘Remember when you pinned me to the wall? I’d love to try that again.’

“If you need inspo, here’s an easy rule: sex past and future. For past, draw on a recent sexual experience with them, pulling out the details you loved most; for future, describe something you’d love to do to them…and mean it. ‘I can’t wait to see you on top of me while I grab your hips and make you moan,’ forrrrr example.”

Add Visuals

Exchanging photos or videos while sexting adds a whole new dimension to your virtual sexy session. If you’re comfortable and your partner wants them, send some spicy photos their way. This could be a picture of the toy you’re using, your booty in cute panties, your hard-on, a fully nude mirror selfie, or anything else that makes you feel sexy.

Always ask your partner if they want photos before sending them, and only send photos to someone you trust. Understand the risks involved before releasing a photo of yourself that you might regret later. Likewise, always provide a safe space for someone who trusts you to send photos of themselves. Respect their wishes of keeping them private or deleting them after seeing them.

Sending nudes or otherwise spicy pictures during a sexting session makes things far more real. You don’t just have to get turned on by your imagined visuals, you actually get a teaser from your boo. Plus, it feels good to turn them on and hear how hot they think you are.

According to a NY Post article published in July 2023, a survey in Australia revealed that 45 percent of young daters (under 30) admitted to sending or receiving nudes before. Although this shows the normalcy of sending nudes and sexting, don’t let it pressure you into doing something that makes you uncomfortable.

Express Desire

Sexting is not only about expressing your fantasies and desires, it’s also about making your partner feel desired and appreciated. Compliment them and make them feel good about themselves to turn them on. Everyone loves to receive compliments, and it can work wonders in a sexting scenario as well. Doesn’t everyone have a bit of a praise kink?

When complimenting your lover, be as specific as possible. Describe the toe-curling way they lick you and how badly you want it. Tell them how you keep imagining a specific part of their body and how much it turns you on. Compliment the sexts they send you. Hype-up any spicy photos they send — to show appreciation and boost their confidence.

Show Affection

Getting the tone right while sexting is vital. Keep your desire burning but also make sure it follows a respectful path. Show them your real, raw emotions, get a little soft, a little affectionate. Real and heartfelt sexts can enable your partner to connect with you on a deeper level and spark more intense chemistry.

Just as it’s necessary to maintain the balance between tension and release, it’s also important to balance raw lust with genuine affection. While your sexts can be wildly explicit and full of desire, also include texts that show emotional affection and respect. It makes the whole experience more intimate and satisfying.

Sex is fun when it’s animalistic and intense, but tender loving moments bring sex to the next level. Combine these two elements in any way you can to make sexting far more satisfying.

Finishing Off

Sexting is essentially about building sexual tension through erotic conversations — the thrill is in the build-up. Build tension, maintain suspense, and create palpable moments of release. You want to turn on your partner but don’t tease them for too long or leave them sexually frustrated.

When you’re finished with your sexting adventure, find a sexy way to let your partner know. Tell them you’re satisfied and need to go clean up or tell them you can’t wait to act on this next time you’re together.

Master the Art of Sexting

Once you understand the ground rules of consent, boundaries, respect, and privacy, along with the importance of imagery, emotions, and playfulness, you can start mastering the art of sexting. It’s a fun, exciting way to explore each other’s desires and deepen your bond with your partner. Once you master sexting, you’ll probably be looking to kick it up a notch with some video call sex.

Remember, keep it playful, keep it sexy, but most importantly, keep it consensual.

Published on Cupid’s Light July 29, 2023