Key Points

• Even Barbie and Ken aren’t technically together, so embrace singlehood and don’t give in to what you’re expected to do.
• Barbie is independent and finds her own happiness every single day, but Ken simply waits around for Barbie.
• It’s important to set boundaries in your relationships, prioritize yourself while still making time for each other, and accept your partner as their own person independent of you.
• Accept rejection for what it is and move on to find the right path for you.

Barbie always looks perfect and pursues any career she wants. She lives in a pink dream mansion, drives a sexy pink convertible, and has a perfect, blonde Ken at her side. While Barbie has a reputation for setting unrealistic expectations for women, her actual calling was to show women that they can do anything they want!

Lessons from Barbie don’t stop at becoming a surgeon while rocking a sparkly outfit. In the new Barbie film from July 2023, there’s so much to learn about feminism, the cruelties of the patriarchy, positive energy, and relationships.

Barbie’s relationship with Ken throughout the movie isn’t the picture-perfect romance we expected. Here are some lessons to learn about relationships from the instantly iconic film (while trying to keep spoilers to a minimum).

Set Boundaries

Barbie isn’t afraid to say no to Ken! At the beginning of the movie, Ken tells Barbie he thought he’d sleep over that night because that’s what boyfriends do. Barbie says no, it’s girls’ night and she wants her slumber party vibes with her friends.

Ken teaches us a valuable lesson: Take the initiative and ask for what you want. Don’t sit around and wait for your boo to ask you to come over or make plans. That will only leave you frustrated and confused. Seize the day and go after what you want!

When Barbie said no to Ken, he was sad but understanding. He didn’t push her or make her feel guilty for saying no. Rejection is hard, but it’s important to accept your partner’s answer and respect their boundaries.

According to an expert on dating with confidence and compassion, Leah Aguirre, LCSW, “Many people feel inclined to justify their boundary — to offer a ‘why’ and provide a rationalization or even apologize for the boundary. But the very purpose of the boundary is self-preservation — setting a limit to protect one’s mental health and well-being. This is something that doesn’t need to be justified… Your boundary is your boundary, and you don’t need the other person to sign off on it or give their input.”

Barbie set boundaries and said no to Ken. She wanted to spend the evening with her friends and clearly told him what she wanted, without feeling guilty or making a promise for another occasion. If you don’t want to do something when your partner asks you to, say no! If they push you after saying no, they’re disrespecting your boundaries. Likewise, be understanding and considerate when someone says no to you.

Boundaries are a vital part of self-preservation, self-respect, and all relationships. Practice setting and holding boundaries with all people in your life, even yourself!

Make Time for Each Other

While we love that Barbie said no to Ken when she wanted, it seems she says no every night. Ken points out that every night is girls’ night. When will it be time for Barbie and Ken?

Having separate friends, hobbies, and activities from your partner creates a harmonious balance in your lives and helps you appreciate the time you have together. However, your partner should still be a priority in your life. As much fun as it is to have a slumber party in a Barbie dream house, Ken isn’t going to wait around forever!

Making an effort to spend quality time with your partner is the bare minimum you can do in a relationship. Barbie barely says hello to Ken and then brushes him off. Your partner isn’t your Ken accessory! Prioritize them in your life and make plans with them.

Balance Independence and Togetherness

Barbie can do everything. She’s the president, an astronaut, a doctor, a Nobel prize winner, a Supreme Court justice, and she looks perfect while she does it. Ken, on the other hand, doesn’t do anything. He stands at the beach all day hoping that Barbie notices him. Nobody likes a clinger!

Relationships must balance independence and working together. Don’t try to run your whole life alone without relying on your partner, but don’t rely on your partner for everything and establish codependence either. Finding a balance is tricky, but it’s essential to a healthy relationship.

Barbie tells Ken that he needs to figure out who he is without her. Ken has always merely been an accessory to Barbie with nothing to do on his own. He should find something he’s passionate about! Like Ken, your happiness shouldn’t depend on your partner. You’re responsible for your own life and your own happiness. Find satisfaction while you’re single, but enhance your life by finding a partner that makes you even more happy.

Little Things Count

As the narrator says, “Barbie has a great day every day, but Ken only has a great day if Barbie looks at him.” Ken stands at the beach all day hoping she passes by, smiles, and waves at him. Barbie does so, and even excitedly watches as he tries to show off a surfing trick. While this is totally pathetic behavior from Ken, we can learn from Barbie’s behavior: Do what you can to provide joy in small ways in a relationship.

What little things make you happy in a relationship? Do you wait all day for that after-work hello kiss from your partner? Is your day 10 times better when your boo makes coffee for you in the morning? Is showering together before bed your dose of quality time for the day?

If there are little moments you seek in a relationship that enhance your mood, tell your partner. Let them know what small gestures make a huge difference in your day, and ask them what you can do to brighten their day.

Incorporate small gestures and signs of love into your relationship to speak the love language of your partner and spread a couple of extra smiles throughout the day.

Being Single by Choice

Barbie has the “perfect” man at her beck and call, but she chooses to spend more time with her friends and declares herself not in a relationship. Wait, she didn’t want to jump all over Ryan Gosling? That’s right, Ken was literally made for her and she still wants to ride solo. This goes to show that it’s more important to follow your heart rather than do what you’re expected to do.

Social media and societal expectations have taught us that your life is only going right if you’re in a relationship — especially as a woman. Even if you know this isn’t true, it’s probably instilled in you. Take back this power and appreciate the single life as you choose to live it!

Being single can be completely intentional. If you’re sad to be single, you’re more likely to seek out a relationship to cure loneliness rather than find a healthy partnership. Discover the joy and beauty of being single instead of feeling embarrassed about it.

Be Your Best

Barbie is perfect every single day. Her hair is flawless, her make-up is spot on, and her golden heart-shaped waffles fly out of the toaster onto her plate. Everything always aligns flawlessly!

This isn’t expected of you, of course, but there’s something to be said for being your best self. Since everything is perfect in Barbie’s life, she looks and feels amazing. She’s always in a great mood and has undeniable confidence.

Putting your best foot forward in your own life helps create satisfaction and confidence. If you’re content with your life, it’s way easier to be content in a relationship. If you harness your confidence to be the best version of yourself, you’ll be a better partner!

Accept Rejection

Ken is rejected by Barbie several times throughout the movie. She doesn’t want to kiss him, she doesn’t let him sleep over, she doesn’t invite him to her party until he asks, and she barely notices him.

Ken is persistent and continues to interact with Barbie every day, hoping it will be different. He tries to seem cool around his friends, telling them that Barbie invited him on her adventure but he turned her down. In truth, Barbie never even talked to him about it!

If you’re interested in someone and they continue to reject you, accept it with grace and move on. Ken was made for Barbie and they’re “supposed” to be together, but she has no romantic interest in him. Even if you find the “perfect” person for you, that doesn’t mean you should be together. Shoot your shot and find out, but accept the answer either way.

You’re Not Here To Save Each Other

Ken struggles throughout the movie with his purpose and identity. His job is “beach” and he’s fixated on Barbie, who has no interest in him. What else is he supposed to do?

Barbie finds Ken crying, but he denies that he’s crying. She assures him that it actually feels good to cry and he should let it out — another amazing release of toxic masculinity in the film! She comforts him and listens when he tells her what’s upsetting him. She then tells him he needs to figure out who he is without her. He can’t keep revolving his life around her or waiting for her to fulfill him.

Not only does Barbie make it clear that his life shouldn’t revolve around her, she tells him that he needs to figure out his life without her help. Even if they were romantically involved, it’s not Barbie’s responsibility to get him on his feet or find a purpose in life.

Personal growth and finding one’s own purpose are essential for both partners to do so independently of one another. It’s fantastic if you can support each other through this journey, but don’t burden your partner with helping you find your way in life. This leads to codependency and a loss of personal identity.

To have a healthy and balanced partnership, each person must maintain their own individuality and pursue their growth and happiness.

Be More Like Barbie

Barbie offers valuable relationship lessons we can all learn from. From setting boundaries and communicating our needs to making time for each other and finding a balance between independence and working together, Barbie and Ken’s story reminds us of the significance of healthy relationships.

The movie teaches us why embracing singlehood and pursuing our own happiness, rather than succumbing to societal expectations, is so important. By accepting rejection with grace and understanding and recognizing that we’re not here to save each other, we empower ourselves to find genuine connections and fulfillment in our relationships.

Barbie serves as a reminder to prioritize our well-being, nurture our individuality, and build relationships based on mutual respect and shared happiness.

Published on Cupid’s Light August 26, 2023