Key Points

• Masturbation, especially for women, is often seen as taboo.
• Regain your sexual power and benefit your health by finding self-pleasure through masturbation.
• Masturbating helps you discover what your body likes, which improves your connection with yourself and overall sexual satisfaction.
• Start exploring your body and make self-pleasure a part of your regular routine for better sex and a better you.

How often do you masturbate? Do you talk about masturbating with your friends or partner? Masturbating is often tied up with feelings of shame and embarrassment, especially for women. According to statistics from May 2023, 48.1 percent of women and 73.8 percent of men report masturbating. In the same study, 22 percent of women reported lying about masturbating.

Let’s close the masturbation gender gap and make it socially acceptable to masturbate!

Masturbation is a method of having sex with yourself for pure pleasure, discovery, and even health. This self-sex may involve your hands, a vibrator, a dildo, or anything else that feels good for you. It’s the safest way to find sexual satisfaction.

According to an expert at the Women’s Health Network, Dr. Sharon Stills, NMD., “Masturbation is an important and wonderful way of knowing yourself physically and emotionally. Research shows that women who masturbate are more likely to have fulfilling sex lives, better health, better partnerships and marriages, and increased self-confidence. Even with all that going for it, masturbation is still difficult for many women to talk about, much less do.”

A quick disclaimer before we dive deeper: You don’t need a clitoris or a vulva to be a woman, but this article focuses on female masturbation referring to this kind of anatomy. However, the content of embracing masturbation is relevant to everyone regardless of gender!

Social Taboo

Arguably the top reason women don’t masturbate — or even talk about masturbating — is because of societal pressure and judgment. Women (and men) feel this shame through a lack of education, religious expectations, topic avoidance amongst families, and icky things they’re told as a child.

In sex education as pre-pubescents or teenagers, you’re taught the dangers of sex. You learn a bit about scientific anatomy, reproduction, STIs, and the risk of having too many sexual partners. I learned that the safest way to have sex is to not have sex. How impractical is that? People need sexual fulfillment! Self-sex is the safest sex.

When sex education focuses on risks rather than benefits, everyone has embarrassment and shame instilled in them for finding sexual pleasure. You believe that you’re doing something you’re not supposed to do when you have sex. Try to erase this societal pressure from your mind and liberate yourself to be a sexually fulfilled being!

The truth is, masturbation is great and everyone (who wants to) should do it. Who’s anyone else to tell you that it’s gross?

Why Masturbate?

There are countless reasons to masturbate and the top reason is simple: It feels good.

When you masturbate, you call the shots and get to experience any sensations on your body that you desire. Start with massage, watch porn, pull your hair, explore new sensations on your clitoris, experiment with new toys, and try different angles you’ve never felt before. Enjoy quality time with yourself while making your toes curl.

Although there isn’t much research on the topic, available sources across the board agree that masturbation is good for your sexual, physical, and mental health. Plus, it’s safe and free. What do you have to lose by masturbating? You may stop settling for unpleasurable sex with partners!

Health Benefits

The benefits of masturbation venture way beyond your vulva. Enjoy improvements to your emotional well-being, mental health, physical health, and sexual health.

Some health benefits include:

• Stress relief: Take your mind off of your work project, an argument with your friend, or anything else on your mind. Taking a break to transport yourself to a world of pleasure and feel all of your happy hormones will improve your mood!
• Sleep better: Going through the masturbation cycle is exhausting. Your heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing increase. Once you orgasm and release built-up tension, you go into a post-orgasm-trance, which helps you fall asleep.
• Increased libido: If you want to have a higher sex drive or get more excited by sex, start doing it more. You inevitably want more cookies if you eat them more and more — the same is true for sex. The more you have, the more you want. Adjust your libido by getting it on with yourself!
• Pelvic floor exercise: While you should still do regular Kegel exercises, masturbating is a great workout for your pelvic floor. Keep your pelvic floor strong for better bladder control, stronger orgasms, and anti-aging of your reproductive system.
• Relieve menstrual cramps: Sex and masturbation are probably the last thing on your mind when you have period cramps. However, the endorphins you release when feeling sexual pleasure or exercising work wonders for pain management.
• Improve your relationship with sex: As you become more comfortable masturbating and enjoying sex, you let go of internalized shame surrounding sex. Become more in tune with your body and sexually liberated one orgasm at a time!
• Cognitive function: Some studies suggest that masturbation provides benefits to cognitive function as you age. Orgasms are good for your brain health!

The health benefits of masturbation go beyond this list and are still undergoing research. Do you need more convincing?

Self Exploration

Everyone is responsible for their own pleasure. That’s right, your sexual partner isn’t expected to know how to make you cum. It’s your job to tell them how to please you.

The best way to find out what you like is to experiment. When you masturbate, you take time to explore your body and discover what brings you pleasure. The better you know your pleasures, the better sex you’ll have with partners. Not only can you tell them what you like, but you’ll shine with the sexual confidence to explore anything you desire.

What kind of stimulation do you like on your nipples? Do you prefer direct contact with your clitoris or stimulation around it? How much pressure do you need? In what patterns? Does pressing on your lower stomach help increase pleasure in your clitoris? Can you orgasm from your G-spot? Does a finger in your anus feel good?

It’s great to explore these different possibilities with a partner, but it’s also important to discover them on your own. When you have sex with yourself, there are no boundaries, expectations, or disappointments.

After you discover what you like, openly communicate about sex with your partners to understand each other’s sexual history and how to pleasure one another.

How To Masturbate

Masturbation is unique to everyone, just like sex is. If you’ve never masturbated before or don’t exactly know how, be patient and know that good masturbation comes with practice.

To start discovering the magic of your womanhood, set some time aside for yourself. Select music, audio porn, or video porn. Maybe dim the lights or light a candle, then start with some foreplay. What do you wish a partner would do to you? Do this to yourself, as best as you can.

Rather than having the goal to orgasm, set a goal to discover your pleasure so you can focus on the process. Plus, the sexual tension build-up of a long-awaited climax makes for an amazing orgasm! Slowly touch parts of yourself and explore what you like. Rub your vulva around your clitoris, then try direct contact on your clitoris with different pressures and patterns. Put a finger or two inside of yourself and practice the ”come hither” motion.

Kick it up a notch with the magical world of sex toys. There are endless options including penis replicas, vibrating wands, oral simulators, clit suckers, dual-stimulation rabbits, anal beads, and so many more! Sites like Lovehoney have toys for everybody. Discover what your body responds to, then invest in your pleasure with toys that cater to your needs.

Take a mirror between your legs to see what you’re doing. It’s common to feel uneasy about looking intimately at yourself, but it’s vital to understanding and self-acceptance. If that guy or girl from Tinder who bought you dinner can see your vulva in all its glory, so should you.

Touching yourself is simply the first step of your masturbation journey. Find out if you like choking, spanking, praise, or anything else that comes to mind. This session is a secret just for yourself (unless you write about it like me), so there’s no embarrassment or shame to be had.

If you feel blocked or otherwise don’t know where to start, try listening to a guided masturbation podcast.

Top 5 Products for Vulva-Owner Masturbation

Ahh yes, toys to send you into pure, pleasurable bliss. I keep a whole arsenal in my nightstand drawer along with my favorite lube. Start your journey or pick your newest collector’s item from one of these top toys. Which excites you the most?

Top Pick

Cum one, cum all. Whether you have a whole collection of toys or you’ve never masturbated before, the Dame Arc G-Spot Vibrator is here to deliver pleasure. This toy precisely reaches your G-spot and stimulates you in a magical way.

Switch things up and use this vibrator on your clitoris for more fun. Several Amazon reviewers report discovering their G-spot with this magical toy. It’s versatile, luxurious, and feels so good.

Top Budget Pick

Looking to stimulate your clit on a budget? If you’re into external stimulation in a powerful way, try out this handy little Ava Vibrator Wand. Don’t be fooled by its size. This cordless cutie comes with 20 vibrational patterns, eight speeds, and an adjustable neck.

Its design is discreet and the sounds are impressively quiet. This toy is straightforward, making it perfect for beginners. Start slow and work up to the higher settings to enjoy everything it’s capable of!

Top Picks for Masturbation and Partnered Sex

Do you get frustrated that you can’t cum from penetration? So do I and 81.6 percent of women! Add some clitoral stimulation to sex to maximize your pleasure and discover the mythical simultaneous orgasm. Discover the magic of non-penetrative sex with your partner, too!

The Romp Wave Vibrator is perfectly shaped to lay on top of or slip between you and your partner, no matter what position you’re in! This unique toy fits wherever you want it. Try different angles and surfaces of the vibrator to find what works best for you, alone or with your boo! My favorite feature is the different vibrational patterns without a pause in vibrations.

Top for Dual Stimulation

Experience the luxury of LELO, a brand of sex toys with a mission to promote self-love and pleasure for all. Each of their products has high-quality materials, innovative designs, and reliable warranties. The LELO SORAYA 2 Rabbit Vibrator is the perfect way to feel dual stimulation.

Rabbit vibrators can be tricky depending on your anatomy, but this toy is versatile enough to reach your G-spot and clit at the same time. The internal piece is the perfect size whether you like it shallow or deep, and the external “rabbit” is adjustable and accessible. Try it for yourself!

Top for Oral Lovers

If you’re a seasoned vet of sex toys, you’re probably looking for a different sensation than the classic buzzy vibrator. Behold the LELO Ora 3! This bad boy has a little nub that rubs your clit back and forth, in circles, and in other patterns. Choose a setting with or without vibrations according to your desires.

It doesn’t exactly feel like a tongue down there, but it’s the closest I’ve experienced from a sex toy! This luxury device builds my sexual tension during masturbation like no other. If you’re looking for something new in masturbation or more intense orgasms, invest in the LELO Ora 3.

Masturbate Like Your Life Depends on It

Okay, maybe your life doesn’t depend on it, but masturbation should be a regular part of your self-care routine. Brush your teeth twice a day, wash your hair twice a week, take your vitamins every evening, and touch yourself three times a week. I’m excited for you to unleash the world of self-pleasure!

Published on Cupid’s Light August 24, 2023